


Property Damage

by mosylu



Category: The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: Gen, Joe is at Peak Dad, nobody ever thinks about post-mayhem cleanup on this show
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-03
Updated: 2017-12-03
Packaged: 2019-02-09 21:51:39
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 906
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12897588
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mosylu/pseuds/mosylu
Summary: After the interrupted West-Allen wedding, somebody's got to clean up the debris. Joe calls on an old friend for help. Featuring the return of Ben the Long-Suffering Metahuman Insurance Agent.





	Property Damage

**Author's Note:**

> Caveat that I have not seen any of the crossover beyond the 45715 gifsets on Tumblr, so if I get some details wrong that’s why. (Especially that poor old priest. Someone tell me he got transported away to spend his retirement in somewhere sunny and meta-less. Go ahead and lie.) But the minute I saw all the damage I said aloud, “Oh man, Joe is never gonna get his security deposit back” and I laughed and laughed because I’m old.
> 
> Also, Ben's meta powers don't really come into play in this story but he does have them, so that's why I tagged the story like that.

Three pews had been bashed to splinters.

Four windows had been smashed out completely, and in the other windows, a total of sixteen different stained-glass panels had cracked. Festive bunting hung in ragged, burnt, water-stained rags. Most of the flowers had been reduced to ashes and two urns were in shards. The railing up in the choir loft had a twisted, bubbled, splintered spot where it had been exposed  to Cisco’s breach, and in the middle of that, a giant crack where Oliver had landed and subsequently pushed off. It was completely broken out four feet further down the line. Nobody knew when that had happened, but the pew broken in half just underneath, as if a body had landed there, gave some clue as to the progression of events.

There was a giant burnt spot in front of the altar where the first invader had vaporized the priest. A long line of scorch marks on the west-side columns and the walls behind tracked where Mick had gotten a little too happy with his gun. Arrows and pieces of arrows stuck out of strange, random places.

Bullet holes decorated every column, several of the walls, and most of the pews. The carpets were torn, twisted, and scorched. And there was water damage everywhere from Caitlin’s ice blasts.

Joe let out a deep sigh. “Guess there’s no chance I’m getting my security deposit back,” he said.

Miss Milly Croft (although she’d been widowed for thirty years, woe betide you if you called her anything but _Miss_ Milly) crossed her arms. “Not even a little one, Joe West.”

“Now Milly,” Pastor Max McKenzie said. “There’s no way Joe could have predicted that.”

Joe kept quiet. When your new son-in-law was the Flash, your scope of predictions got a lot bigger than the average.

“And he’s expressed his sincere regret. As have the bride and groom and the whole wedding party.”

“And they’re willing to come help with repairs,” he added.

“Well, they’ll be welcome.”

The kids didn’t actually know about that part yet. They were still recovering from their adventures on Earth-X. But as soon as everyone was up and moving, Star Labs and all their friends were taking a mess of field trips. Maybe it would teach them to be a little more thoughtful about their habit of massive property damage, especially to a church Joe had been attending with Cecile for the past nine months.

He wasn’t about let Oliver just chuck money at it and walk away either. Boy might benefit from some time swinging a hammer rather than blasting off arrows.

Miss Milly sniffed. “Well, that’s all fine, but we still have to have services in the church hall until the repairs are finished. And how are you going to explain this to the insurance, Pastor? They’re based in Minneapolis. They don’t know about - ” She looked at the wreckage of an urn that had once held flowers. “ - Central City.”

“Minneapolis?” Joe cocked his head. “Do you have Country Limited Mutual, by chance?”

Pastor Max raised his brows. “Why yes, that’s our insurance company.”

“You called it in yet?”

“Just now. We’re supposed to get a call back from an agent sometime today.”

Joe smiled. “Max, a moment?” At the pastor’s nod, he pulled his phone out and stepped away, hunting through his contacts.

The other man answered on the first ring. “Country Limited Mutual cares for you, Ben Watson speaking,” he said all in a long monotone.

“Ben,” Joe said. “How are you? How was your weekend?”

“Joe! Good to hear from you. Petra’s team took second.”

“Regionals, wasn’t it?”

“It was.”

“Nice work. Tell her congratulations for me.”

“I’ll do that. How was yours?”

“Well, my daughter got married.”

“Right, yes, I couldn’t make it because of Petra’s - oh.” Ben went silent for a few seconds. When he spoke, he sounded resigned. “It was at the church on 144th, wasn’t it?”

Yep. Trust Ben to keep tabs on local mayhem. It was why he was such a good claims investigator. “Mmhmm. As it happens, they have Country Limited Mutual and they just called in the claim.”

A few tapping sounds, and Ben grunted. “Yep, see it here. Gotten assigned to young Silas Werther.”

“How’s he?”’

“Green as grass and never seen a meta beyond the Flash’s lightning trails.” More tapping. “I put it on my plate.”

“That’s kind of you,” Joe said, his shoulders relaxing. Ben had been doing this a long time. He’d seen everything from a roof ripped off by a man-shark wearing pants to buildings half-sucked into a nether void. He was totally unflappable and had the knack of lying to his superiors in Minneapolis in exactly the way that would get his clients the insurance money they needed for repairs.

They chatted a moment more, Ben asking after Cecile and sharing some trick that had settled his ex-wife’s morning sickness when she’d had their daughter. Joe thanked him for it and got off the phone.

“Friend of mine,” he explained to Miss Milly and Pastor Max. “Works for the insurance company. He says he’ll be out here after lunch, if that’s convenient.”

“That’s fine,” Pastor Max said. “He’s good at his job?”

“Oh, yeah. Ben Watson’ll take care of you. He understands about - ” He looked around. “- Central City.”

Of course, this didn’t mean the kids were off the hook. At _least_ one weekend fixing this place. Maybe two. 

FINIS


End file.
